Monday, December 5, 2011

Your daughter of nineteen

Soon I will leave,
soon the arrangement
will be done
soon I will be told
the search has begun
i am quiet a something
i write and dance and sing
in your eyes though I'm seen
just a daughter of nineteen
your son bothers you not
in the colors of his skin
but i bother you much
your daughter of nineteen
and so you make your plans
and provide in every way
pedicures, jewels and henna
with silks in colors gay
know you not this determines me
to use this half a decade
to make me a son on the terms
suited to the world's fancy facade
thought i we were different
thought i, i had my share too
your wisdom, knowledge i doubt not
i know he shall surely be
"one hell of a guy" as they say
my torment is that you see
not having the choice of my way
not the choice of who he shall be
but the choice of him to be
...or not to be


Thursday, November 24, 2011

Jaao...

Imli mei ghuli hai taron ki saazish
aaj na aankhein moondne denge
elaichi si mehekti hai ye koshish
aaj na neend goondne denge
uff... kamar pe baitho chup se
ho bass pallu bhulo matt
zaraa baal bhi baandhun ruk ke
kaan vaan pe chhuo matt
hasna manaa hai tumhara
yun baarish ki aavaz mei
phir dikh na jaana dobaara
mausam ke andaaz mei

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Blogger in draft

11th post added to my draft list today, had blogger been my black spiral pad with colored pages it would have had 11 pages of half written poems and notes in it. I haven't written in a really really long time! and it has got nothing to do with my clogged life (i hope) but really it has started to bug me now how I cant seem to hold on to a thought long enough for it to make sense. Its almost like my own words have become mutineers against me. STOP underlining my spelling mistakes you fucker pc, I'm only human why don't you go bug someone else you portable blinking duck beak.

DAMMIT!

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Ab toh jail mei jaana padega

Dekh dekh ke sapne,
thak gai hain aankhein
sab hain mere apne,
jhuki palkon se jhaakein

ab waqt ho chala hai
ankh uthaane ki sazaa hai
ab toh jail mei jaana padega
sapno ka bojh uthaana padega

nahi toh ye kambakht mujhe
jeene nahi denge bina bhujhe
jo pyas lagi hai udne ki
jalne ki na bujhne ki na mudne ki

zid se ab koi parda na rahaa
aaj issey khud hie sar chadhaaya hai
chori se chupaa rakha tha ankahaa
aj jurrat mei ghol pakaaya hai

ab se sirf aar ya paar hoga
har dar dar kinaar hoga
keh lo chaahe besharm banungi
par aaj se bass dil ki sunungi

kyuki tum toh aake chale jaoge
har roz ek nayaa bahaana banaoge
raat mei akeli reh jaaungi mai
khwabon ki khichdi pakaaungi mai

mirch thodi zyada, zaraa si haldi
tiffin mei daala uthaa ke chaldi
soongh ke bataao, khushbu ka rang
sambhal ke rakhi kitaabon ke sang

aaj dabba khola, rang ab bhi gehra hai
dabbe ke sheeshe mei mera hie chehra hai
par ye itna anjaana sa kyu hai
uss se jab pucha kya ye tu hai?

itra ke bola haan hun toh
par abhi quaid hun andar
mai begunaah hun voh
jissey sazaa e parda sunaa kar

tuney farzi chaen ki saans li thi
puchta hun meri arzi mei kya kami thi?
ab javaab dene ka waqt aaya hai
ja tujhe 2 pankh ka tohfa lagaaya hai

aur sazaa e udaan sunaai hai
jo logon ko jurrat nazar aayi hai
par aaj bass aisi aag lagaa
bhul jaae karna khud se dagaa

dekh dekh ke sapne
thak gayi hain aankhein

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

I wonder who

in the bus, he sits right there
his eyes on me as I take a ticket
watch me tuck my bag on my shoulder
the color of my wallet, his eyes
follow me to the ladies seat
he notices my mud stained sneakers
and my bruised knees, muddy socks
as I tuck my hair behind my ear
he doesn't miss a thing ever
he looks at the book I read
and as he looks I wonder who
am I in the eyes of a stranger

Saturday, June 4, 2011

sense and sensibility

This does not make sense...neither does that...its all nonsense...

What is non sense?

this... all this

no, I mean how do you define it?

what do you mean how do you define it? non sense is non sense

yeah but what if your non sense makes sense to me?
non-sense isn't all that bad after all

Friday, June 3, 2011

2 and fro

Feat(just coz you said so): Mrinal Bisht

"woke up drenched in sweat and fear
re-did her eyes wiped a tear
grabbed her shawl and stole the key
escaping to where she wanted to be

woke up dead in tears
re-did his bed, wiped up his fear..
grabbed his coat, and locked the door.
how much she missed him, he missed her much more.

walking on a road bereft of light
soon she found her feet taking flight
she had to get to him couldn't think straight
she didn't have to sign just yet, it could wait

as much as he thought he was winning
her memories inside him were killing..
and when he thought his feet were taking flight
he didn't realize he was heading back to their special night .. .

often during the day, his smell would meet her
and she would wonder what would be if they were
just a little more than what they had become
it would've still been one, the place called home

and even today they still wake up dead in tears
re-do their bed, and wipe their fear..
but now, she gives him his coat like a romantic wife
and there is love again back together in their life.. ..

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Nevermind

DATE: Twentieth May 2011
DAY: Friday

Listen, Where are you? are you there? do you even care? are you alone like I am?
or do you have some one you think you love? don't hold on to her too long
because I'm the one for you,its hard to be strong,but I've no other option but to wait for you right?
It's tough though you should know that, I'm almost twenty,and I spent my 19th valentines alone
were you alone too?
how old are you?
where were you born?
what school did you go to?
are you a university graduate from Delhi?
you are the missing piece of my puzzle, god knows when will I ever find you
how many guys will i have to date before we finally meet?
I'm actually trouble shooting can you believe that?
will you love me just the way I am?
Because I will...will you come see my dance rehearsal? I hope you like to dance...that will be so nice.
will you let me make maggie for dinner when I'm tired? I promise I will make up for it the next day with a super awesome dinner. I wonder what you're doing this time, are you sleeping? are you facebooking? do you have exams too? will you make fun of me when you read this after many years? Do I ask too many questions? Will you buy me flowers? and take me to Italy when we afford it? and The Bahamas and Egypt too? you don't have to though I'm just telling you as much as I know about myself. I can be really stupid sometimes, will you forgive me for that?
and oh when I say m really sorry and try to hold your hand when we fight, don't shirk me off please, because when I do that it means I've thought of not doing it a ten thousand times, and if you shirk me off once, I might never do it again for the fear of you shirking me again and then we'll keep fighting for ever. Do I even make sense?
I might meet you any day right? Mom thinks she is going to find you out for me... I don't know if that's true I don't want it to be...she will win then, and that will make me feel that you would not have fallen in love with me had it not been for mom to find you out, as in on my own I could not have made you fall in love with me. Will you love me? or will it be like a formal arranged thing? I don't like how that sounds.
Never mind, I'm going to sleep I have my popular fiction exam tomorrow. bye

Sunday, May 15, 2011

vo barish ki raat

"aaj yun hie baal sukhaate sukhaate
cheenton ke saath tumhari yaad chalak aayi
tumhari baton se jo hansi uthti thi...
usski goonj ke saath chalak aayi
phir towel se jab baal barse
toh vo baarish ki raat yaad aa gayi
jab geele baalon mei tumhe uljhaya tha
phir raat bhar baith ke tumne
apni baaton mei suljhaya tha
har suljhi baat ulajhti ja rahi thi
aur mai anjaane tumhare paas aa rahi thi
maine toh balon se bass shararat ki thi
tumne shararat ka faayda uthaya tha
baal suljhate suljhate apni chal mei fasaaya tha
kamar ke bal pe jane kaunsa saaz chedaa tha
gardan se baansuri bajaayi thi
hothon pe raagini sajaai thi
tumhare sur se aasman mei diye jal gaye thhe
tunhare hathon mei saarey jahan simat gae thhe
kaandhe pe din ho jataa tha
peeth pe raat ghir aati thi
phir aankh khulli toh khud hie hans ke socha
sochne se hoga bhi kya?
baal sukh gae hain
ab baandh hie leti hun"

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Kal Aaj aur Kal

nanhe nanhe haathon se jab cement ke ghar banaate thhe
phir park ke nalke ke neeche sab yaar milke nahaate thhe
ma aur daadi cheekh cheekh ke chhat se bulaya karte thhe
aur hum sharma uncle ke ghar ke pichey chhip jaya karte thhe

har sunday miley panch rupaiyon se kulfi khaya karte thhe
aur kabhi kabhi bachaake paise bada baloon laya karte thhe
phir aya mera birthday aur shehzaadi hui nau saal ki
aur papa laye cycle ek, jiski ghanti thi kamaal ki

bas uss din se toh ghar aatey hie basta phenka garden mei
aur bhari dhup mei nikal padey hum roz ki apni gasht pe
chote bhaiya ko bithaa ke badey dhyan se apne peeche
saer sapaata dhamaa chaukdi khule aasman ke neeche

bhaiya toh jaise thhe navaab aji unke badey thaath thhe
ghunghraale baal,chamakti aankhei, chote chote haath thhe
unhi chotey chotey hathon se vo pistol chalaya karte thhe
jab naya khilona nazar mei aae toh hamei bulaya karte thhe

“ab bas hua ye pistol vistol nahi aati hai raas hamei
vo laal santro choti vali lagti hai badi khaas hamei”
aur hum gullak utaarte phir mandir se sambhal ke
aur hairpin aur clay se jhatt se paise thhe nikal te

phir bhaiya-didi hath pakkad ke market jaya karte thhe
aur laal santro,kalaa chuha,cosco laya karte thhe
badey massom badey natkhat badey bhole badey nadaan thhe hum
bachpan mei iss bachpan se naraaz thhe anjaan thhe hum

phir sweater, frock aur chappal hamei ho gae chotey
aur jootey ke size bhi har season change hotey
aur hamne seekh liya cycle chod scooty chalana
chod dia lukka chuppi aur sadkon pe ganaa

ab na hum nalke ke neeche nahaya karte thhe
aur na hie sharma uncle ke ghar jaya karte thhe
cheeku aur bittu ke hath pakadne mei jane kyu sahrm aati thi
aur ye vahi dost thhe jinke kandhe pe baith mai shehtut khati thi

pehle sath daudte doston ko hum zakhm nahi marham dete thhe
pehle jo na lage apna sa ussey tab hie katti keh dete thhe
pehle badey hone ki hod thhi ab bachpan ki chaah hai
pehle rahein hie manzil thi, ab manzil ke liye raah hai

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

green blue black white

look around you...
every corner has a story and
every story blinks red
blinks yellow,
blinks green blue black white

pull the sheet down
when its red they halt
halt to kiss
halt to fight
halt to curse that red light

the street was dark
wet after the shower
i walked with an ember
in my hand
and there at the end i saw

a story
hands, hair, naked legs
a scratched shoulder
a tense bare back
empty paper cups

A little further came a tower
blinking, did I say that before?
blinking yellow, white and black
a story stared out of a window
cupping its last sips of life

look around you...
every corner has a story and
every story blinks red
blinks yellow,
blinks green blue black white

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Click on me 'believe'

I am not someone who gets easily inspired by others.
But this girl...she took my breath, and inhibitions away.

Out to you Megan Carter. :)

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Shove it bully

I was just taking a walk in our society park when this really shy girl from 4th floor came from her coaching class, red cheeks watery eyes and all. So i waved at her, but she just called the lift and went home. i plugged on my i-pod and started walking again, i generally choose the stairs so while going back home i saw her sitting on the stairs,crying. Awkward as i am around wailing strangers, i thought i'd just creep back and use the lift instead
"why do they do this to me all the time?" she said suddenly and i realized my presence hadn't gone unnoticed. So i sat beside her and asked her in a calm soothing tone (i think) "who? what do they do?"
" These girls from class,they always push me around, making fun of my braces, poking me, calling me all sorts of 'fat names' i always help all of them with homework hoping they'd like me but... *choke* *sob* *choke* they don't ever play with me except hide and seek and then they hide and i can never find them...*choke* they never eat with me or call me for sleepovers... *choke over load threat* so i tried to calm her down by asking her if we could be friends. To which she replied with a 'braces special smile' and an enthusiastic nod of the head. So i invited her for a sleepover at my place, i asked her what theme would she like for our little sleepover and she said 'disney' so i said
"great then, get some disney pajamas and meet me at my place at eight" i called her mom and asked for permission. i went home fished out my own mickey mouse t-shirt (yes i have one and a winnie pooh wallet too) went to the market and got some balloons and a small disney chocolate box. We played the whole night, thumb painting, ludo, video games, then make-up man, balloon puppets, little baker what not. While tucking her in bed i told her "people who make you do their homework and then bully you around are never your friends"
"who are friends then?" she asked
after some thought i said "people who make you smile when you're crying"
"that means you" she said and hugged me (my turn to choke, i swallowed) and said
"yes, and from now on just remember one thing a bully only needs a bigger bully, i want you to go to school tomorrow and let them know they can't kick you around like that anymore, you're a strong girl and will fight back"
"yes i will" she said with that indignant face only an eleven year old can make.
"now go to sleep" i said, smiling.
....

The Girl you just called fat?
She has been starving herself & has lost over 30lbs.
The Boy you just called stupid?
He has a learning disability & studies over 4hrs a night.
The Girl you just called ugly?
She spends hours putting makeup on hoping people will like her.
The Boy you just tripped? He is abused enough at home.

There's a lot more to people than you think.

and moreover...what makes you think you're any authority to laugh at someone else anyway?

P.S. You should see her now, she never cries and we often play baddy in the park, she even has a boyfriend "sshssshhhh pinky secret, don't tell mum". :) :)

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

from the inside

A blank canvas is what i am
and no paint stays for long
happens a splash and colors
but is washed off before it dries
i scare the mirror these days
what am i going to be?
the faith has gone
the shine has frosted
the bubbling energy of youth
has somewhat lost it's fizz
a little too soon
she says I'm going to make
a woman of myself
my head bows down a little more
under the sky of expectations
i'd rather not disappoint
a blank canvas i'm only that
just hope the color stays long enough
this time.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Impatient fingers

Rough hands, dry eyes
hollow echoes of laughter
i had been, i could have been
we had been we could have been
so much more and lesser too
hot bowls of maggie noodles
with onions tossed in butter
you never liked me cooking did you?
"i prefer you raw" you'd said
i used to melt faster than the butter
onions crackling beside the two of us
a drop of oil escapes the pan
searing down my bare back
and the ice you rubbed on the sore
burnt me all the more
"lets just order pizza" damn your impatient fingers
cold marble, hot breath and your impatient fingers.

Monday, February 14, 2011

Bas yun hie

She sat there buttering the buttered toast, finally placing it on his plate. His hand emerged from behind the newspaper picked up the toast and vanished behind it again, she could hear the 'crunch' as he bit into it. He liked his toast just that way put in the toaster with the timer set on 'two'. For breakfast, he had exactly three toasts one buttered two with marmalade she was making and a mug of coffee made with milk powder mixed just before drinking. The coffee powder-his special brand nothing else sugar exactly one teaspoon. She would keep looking at his car till it turned around the corner, out of sight. Lately she had started taking extra care of his comforts, his breakfasts,his laundry,his towels and bedsheets. More often than not when he was not home, she found herself curled up on his side of the bed because it had his scent. More often than not she caught a tear escaping her eye on the sly as she watched him leave for office, just like today.

He got into the car, the driver closed the door behind him got in the car and he was on his way to work, he wondered if she still looked at the car from behind till it was out of sight? but did not turn back to look. Every morning they sat at the breakfast table together, she would make breakfast just the way he liked it, the toasts, the coffee. He even suspected her to have been paying careful attention to his laundry, towels and bedsheets. But could not muster the courage to fold the newspaper and look at her, take her hand in his and kiss it like he so wanted to.
More often than not these days he found himself staring at her face as she slept at night, gently touching the bangles she always wore or brushing aside a strand of hair
from her face. More often than not he caught himself stealing glimpses while pretending to be asleep when she came out of the bath. Her hair loosely playing around her neck, her scent filling the room and his senses. More often than not he found himself staring at her pictures in his lap top while going or coming from work just like right now.

They had had a love marriage, they started in a one bedroom apartment and had promised to work hard and build themselves their dream home. Back then, they would have breakfast together and she would have to push him out of the house so he doesn't get late for work. In the evening, he would come home, heap her in his arms kiss her forehead, they would have dinner together talking about the day, make plans for the future. He would kiss her hand and they would sleep in each others arms. Or he would kiss her hand and that would be the beginning of a wonderful sleepless night. Now many of those plans had taken shape, they lived in a wonderful apartment in one of the most expensive ares of the city, the only constant that remained from their past life were the sleepless nights, only they weren't wonderful anymore. Each lay on his or her side of the bed thinking of the same thing, thinking the other person was asleep, thinking how he missed the other person. Wondering if the other person felt the same. But never knowing, never trying. This had been going on for some time now, their silence had grown into a fragile,insurmountable wall. This went on for some more days.

Then one night something different happened, he came home late as usual, entered the bedroom and found her asleep at his side of the bed, wearing one of his shirts and her shorts, her legs curled together. Normally he would have been upset she spoiled the iron, but he kept his bag on the table, dropped on the floor in front of her. A tear trickled down his eye as he kissed her hand. The familiar long lost sensation woke her up, she saw him there and all at once, the wall crumbled. Her eyes welled. He heaped her in his arms, kissed the palm of her hand, each finger one by one. She was looking at him smiling, not believing he had been there all this while she just had to be on his side. He kissed her eyes, he brushed aside the hair from the nape of her neck, his fingers burning her skin, cupped her face in his hands and at long last their lips met...

the night was sleepless, wonderful.

bas yun hie tumhari yaad agai
bas yun hie hui aarzu,vo adhuri si nazm puri karlu
jo adhi takiyon pe, adhi silavton meh chorh di thi
unhi silvaton meh tumhari sanson ki dhun yaad agai
bhule se baithe thhe ek dusre ki yaad ko
ek chhat ke neeche ghum se gae thhe na?
bas yun hie dil ne kaha kuch baat toh karo
toh baton baton mei tumhari baat yaad agai

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Dance - you make me pretty

So after a month long break courtesy exams, I finally got to dance again today,

and it felt amazing, no other word just amazing in every sense of the word, the most overwhelming high. The kind of butterflies no guys has ever given me.

The sight of the stage - dizzying

The pain of the workouts - thrilling

The feel of the music seeping into your senses - drugging

The actual dancing - beyond words

dance you make me pretty. :)

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Confused much?

Because its not that I've nothing to say, just that there are so many things ravishing my mind right now. So uhm..I guess I'll just sit and make a list.

1. New Sun sign? so apparently I'm a Gemini now, because of this freshly discovered sun sign that sounds like the name of a dinosaur. Whats the big deal anyway?

2. Whats with this sudden wave of casual dating going on? I mean when did "the proposal" with all its associated nervousness, butterflies, planning, rejected planning and re- planning and re-re-planning just become a casual sms no really sms? "lets date?" re: "yeah okay"/ "no, maybe next week"

*flabbergasted expression of a hopeless romantic*

3. Why is it that I cant afford enough onions to make this mughlai recipe I just read about? onions for god's sake!!!

4. My mum plans to find a guy for me in another two years. Some how I find that more convenient saves a lot of trouble searching, making arrangements to meet without your folks getting to know of it, then telling parents, waiting for approval.
But aunts talking about shaadi in that typical 'nudgy-giggly' tone is still equally annoying.
And that makes me a hopeless romantic who believes in arranged marriages.
To lazy to want to love?
Still scared of loving?
Or just plain bored?

5. Why am I turning into an insomniac all of a sudden?

6. Why aren't the radio shows now as good as they used to be a year ago?

7. Why do random strangers think that calling me 'cutie' and 'dear' and 'gawrgeous lady' will trick me into ignoring their horribly horny looking sad faces and make me add them?

8. Why is my room a mess? oh I know this one...because its 'my' room? but still messier than the messy it used to be before.

9. Why do I feel the way i feel and why do i not know what makes me so terrible inside?

10. Just because I'm single, why do people not believe it when I tell them I'm over my break-up? It ended long back, it DOESN'T hurt, I don't stalk his profile any more, I'M FINE people, I just don't date for the heck of it.
deal with it.

11. just why do parents feel taking away my lap top, slashing my pocket money, not letting me drive and curfews will have any effect on my grades whatsoever?

13. Why can't I have guava juice in January in a coffee mug without being questioned/laughed at/stared at?

14. why am I rallying about all of this to the world and not feeling embarrassed?