Within

Like ink spill on a parchment
makes shapes, accidental but meaningful

I oft find myself in vomited words words
written in hurried hand on sultry nights

Page by page I recite a fruitless attempt
at satiating a narcissistic hunger

of getting to know that girl in the mirror
the one people are fond and wary of at the same time

...and so am I

Like a poignant seizing fever it engulfs me
excruciating, drugging, piercing but absorbing

I oft find myself in half hearted sketches
blotted in charcoal and paper cutting strokes

I choke as she clutches at my tongue,
in her attempt to escape the capsule of my body

but she is slated to be captive
there are vengeful crows about

waiting to tear up her flesh but she,
she is a fighter this one,

...and so am I

I am calm,
I am chaos,
I am my own doing.

I close my eyes,
I plunge within,
I find her...

I find, myself.

An Apology to religion.

At the outset I would like to inform the reader that I haven’t been a follower of any particular religion since the age I gained a conscious autonomy over my beliefs.
I do believe in the existence of a being/power/entity that for want of an identifying word I call god, but I do not believe in personifying it into any kind of gender/character. I believe that limits its all pervasiveness. And so I do not follow any religion that would want me to eliminate that section of society who does not believe in it, which when it comes to practical application, all religions do.
Having said this, I do not hold an opinion against people who choose to entrust a religion with their faith and choose to identify a god constructed for it. I would like to respect them as much as everybody else no matter what religion they believe/not believe in.

The reason I use the phrase “I would like to” is because I recently found out that I don’t.

I have a very dear friend who believes in a religion, which for the rest of the essay as and when need be will be called “The Faith”.
So last night during a conversation of the usual jibber jabber and non sense that friends talk about, I ended up making a joke about The Faith, realizing seconds later that I had offended my friend.
During my profuse and embarrassed apology there was another realization that had this friend not been a follower of The Faith I would’ve never realized my unconscious disregard for people and their religious beliefs.

What I found out was that no matter how much I’d like to believe that I have immense respect for all faiths, there are layers of my mind that subconsciously make me take them lightly. I did not make that joke consciously, which makes it worse as it makes me realize the unconscious disrespect I have for other religions, which is a violation of my own personal individual belief that says all should be loved and respected for their beliefs.

What I also realized was that there might have been instances in the past where in during conversations, or within my own internal thinking process, I could have and definitely would have done such acts of disrespect in the past.

Not believing in any kind of mass religion for whatever reasons possible, does not give me the right to consciously or sub consciously make fun of other people’s beliefs.

In my attempt to not be outright blinded by a faith and consequently feel malicious towards other faiths, I choose to not believe in any, not realizing that what I gained from that was a superficial respect for all faiths and a deep rooted subconscious disregard for them. Not believing in something and wanting to respect it involves more thought than what I’ve been putting to it.

So here it is, an apology to all religions and all people who believe in any religion. I hope to learn my lesson and purge myself of all kinds of disregards I might subconsciously have for you.

I still do not believe in any religion, but I hope I’ll be able to give every body the kind of respect I’d like to able to give.

This is also a plea to everyone who would bother to hear it, that no matter where your belief rests, please do not let it over power you to an extent where in you demean, disregard, derogate or make light of any group or person particular who believes other wise.

Religion of all kinds including my own form of it, which hopes to inculcate only respect and love for others do not in any form preach that people/scriptures who do not share the same ideology should be treated as inferior.

My thoughts,no matter how unconscious, have been insensitive for I do not know how long, and I'm not proud of them.
That is about all that I’d like to convey in my apology to religion.

Thank you for taking out time and reading it.

Love and strength,
Rida.

Geyser Gaatha

Unhone kaha "cool"
Maine kaha cool nahi cold tha
Vo pani jiss se aaj nahaana pada
Geyser kharaab tha aur college jaana tha
isiliye thande paani se kaam chalaana pada

Toh bole itni sardi mei thanda paani?
Ek din bina nahaae chalaa leti
Maine kaha sard neend badi ziddi hoti hai
Cutting chai ko bhi sulaa deti
Subah subah hosh bhulaa deti

Bole, Kuch garm piya tha uske baad?
Pi lena tha sardi lag jaegi
Maine kaha kuch der dhoop mei chali thi
Hatheli se hatheli garmaai thi
andar bujhti lau maine thande paani se jalaai thi.

Phir pucha, acha baaki din kaisa tha?
Vo tumhari dost...milne aayi thi?
Maine kaha ab din dhall gaya hai sone do
aur nahi...aaj phir sham akele sulgaai thi.
Phone toh rakh diya, par aaj bhi mujhe neend kahaan aayi thi.

Mujhe message kiya unhone,
tum jhooth bolna chor do na, tumhe aata nahi
Maine kaha, so jao kal tumhe jaana haina kahin?
tumse mujhe tanng kiya bina
bhala kyu rahaa jaata nahi?


Jawaab aaya, akele matt raha karo
log sath ho toh acha lagta hai
Galaa kas gaya, toh maine kaha
Pataa hai? aj mess mei kadhi bani thi
tum hote toh sath mei khaate, sahi bani thi

Bole baat matt badlo, batao kya hua?
mann kiya likh dun baat toh aap badal rahe hain
seh na paae jo bayaan hua?
par offline chali gayi, kaha na gaya
Agli subah phir Geyser se rahaa na gaya

Mujhe phir college jaana tha,
phir thande paani se nahaana pada

Smile

Written on the word 'Smile' for Tarishi Verma on Seven Poem Saturday

The blinding glare of lights
the alienness of make up
the toe curling heels
and the flowing frail dress

show biz, ramps and lime light
the poised shoulders
those confident strides
flashes, bashes, raves and riots

only room service saw them
the blots of kohl on your pillow my love
and some, saw them too
the blades, the drops of blood my love

in feast who saw your hungry eyes?
like the beast or the beauty disguised
forever in the lumps of your throat
forever under the mascara and coat

forever you buried your dreams alive
"but im living' the dream"
living in a dream
living
living?

leaving...but for now
toss those hair
cross your legs on the chair
look me in the eye...and smile

click.

Catch 22

Written on the word 'Paradox' for Fatima Mohsin on Seven Poem saturday

For all the lies that I told baby
and all the nights new and old baby
for all the times I thought of reasons
for my innumerable treasons
for all the times you found my phone
and raided it when you were alone
for the man in your room that night
and for whenever you asked whats right?
"if not this then what's right?"
for your sleepless precious nights
spent on my empty pillow, ruthless fights
there's but one reason ringing true
you're mine... you're my catch twenty two