Rough hands, dry eyes
hollow echoes of laughter
i had been, i could have been
we had been we could have been
so much more and lesser too
hot bowls of maggie noodles
with onions tossed in butter
you never liked me cooking did you?
"i prefer you raw" you'd said
i used to melt faster than the butter
onions crackling beside the two of us
a drop of oil escapes the pan
searing down my bare back
and the ice you rubbed on the sore
burnt me all the more
"lets just order pizza" damn your impatient fingers
cold marble, hot breath and your impatient fingers.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Monday, February 14, 2011
Bas yun hie
She sat there buttering the buttered toast, finally placing it on his plate. His hand emerged from behind the newspaper picked up the toast and vanished behind it again, she could hear the 'crunch' as he bit into it. He liked his toast just that way put in the toaster with the timer set on 'two'. For breakfast, he had exactly three toasts one buttered two with marmalade she was making and a mug of coffee made with milk powder mixed just before drinking. The coffee powder-his special brand nothing else sugar exactly one teaspoon. She would keep looking at his car till it turned around the corner, out of sight. Lately she had started taking extra care of his comforts, his breakfasts,his laundry,his towels and bedsheets. More often than not when he was not home, she found herself curled up on his side of the bed because it had his scent. More often than not she caught a tear escaping her eye on the sly as she watched him leave for office, just like today.
He got into the car, the driver closed the door behind him got in the car and he was on his way to work, he wondered if she still looked at the car from behind till it was out of sight? but did not turn back to look. Every morning they sat at the breakfast table together, she would make breakfast just the way he liked it, the toasts, the coffee. He even suspected her to have been paying careful attention to his laundry, towels and bedsheets. But could not muster the courage to fold the newspaper and look at her, take her hand in his and kiss it like he so wanted to.
More often than not these days he found himself staring at her face as she slept at night, gently touching the bangles she always wore or brushing aside a strand of hair
from her face. More often than not he caught himself stealing glimpses while pretending to be asleep when she came out of the bath. Her hair loosely playing around her neck, her scent filling the room and his senses. More often than not he found himself staring at her pictures in his lap top while going or coming from work just like right now.
They had had a love marriage, they started in a one bedroom apartment and had promised to work hard and build themselves their dream home. Back then, they would have breakfast together and she would have to push him out of the house so he doesn't get late for work. In the evening, he would come home, heap her in his arms kiss her forehead, they would have dinner together talking about the day, make plans for the future. He would kiss her hand and they would sleep in each others arms. Or he would kiss her hand and that would be the beginning of a wonderful sleepless night. Now many of those plans had taken shape, they lived in a wonderful apartment in one of the most expensive ares of the city, the only constant that remained from their past life were the sleepless nights, only they weren't wonderful anymore. Each lay on his or her side of the bed thinking of the same thing, thinking the other person was asleep, thinking how he missed the other person. Wondering if the other person felt the same. But never knowing, never trying. This had been going on for some time now, their silence had grown into a fragile,insurmountable wall. This went on for some more days.
Then one night something different happened, he came home late as usual, entered the bedroom and found her asleep at his side of the bed, wearing one of his shirts and her shorts, her legs curled together. Normally he would have been upset she spoiled the iron, but he kept his bag on the table, dropped on the floor in front of her. A tear trickled down his eye as he kissed her hand. The familiar long lost sensation woke her up, she saw him there and all at once, the wall crumbled. Her eyes welled. He heaped her in his arms, kissed the palm of her hand, each finger one by one. She was looking at him smiling, not believing he had been there all this while she just had to be on his side. He kissed her eyes, he brushed aside the hair from the nape of her neck, his fingers burning her skin, cupped her face in his hands and at long last their lips met...
the night was sleepless, wonderful.
He got into the car, the driver closed the door behind him got in the car and he was on his way to work, he wondered if she still looked at the car from behind till it was out of sight? but did not turn back to look. Every morning they sat at the breakfast table together, she would make breakfast just the way he liked it, the toasts, the coffee. He even suspected her to have been paying careful attention to his laundry, towels and bedsheets. But could not muster the courage to fold the newspaper and look at her, take her hand in his and kiss it like he so wanted to.
More often than not these days he found himself staring at her face as she slept at night, gently touching the bangles she always wore or brushing aside a strand of hair
from her face. More often than not he caught himself stealing glimpses while pretending to be asleep when she came out of the bath. Her hair loosely playing around her neck, her scent filling the room and his senses. More often than not he found himself staring at her pictures in his lap top while going or coming from work just like right now.
They had had a love marriage, they started in a one bedroom apartment and had promised to work hard and build themselves their dream home. Back then, they would have breakfast together and she would have to push him out of the house so he doesn't get late for work. In the evening, he would come home, heap her in his arms kiss her forehead, they would have dinner together talking about the day, make plans for the future. He would kiss her hand and they would sleep in each others arms. Or he would kiss her hand and that would be the beginning of a wonderful sleepless night. Now many of those plans had taken shape, they lived in a wonderful apartment in one of the most expensive ares of the city, the only constant that remained from their past life were the sleepless nights, only they weren't wonderful anymore. Each lay on his or her side of the bed thinking of the same thing, thinking the other person was asleep, thinking how he missed the other person. Wondering if the other person felt the same. But never knowing, never trying. This had been going on for some time now, their silence had grown into a fragile,insurmountable wall. This went on for some more days.
Then one night something different happened, he came home late as usual, entered the bedroom and found her asleep at his side of the bed, wearing one of his shirts and her shorts, her legs curled together. Normally he would have been upset she spoiled the iron, but he kept his bag on the table, dropped on the floor in front of her. A tear trickled down his eye as he kissed her hand. The familiar long lost sensation woke her up, she saw him there and all at once, the wall crumbled. Her eyes welled. He heaped her in his arms, kissed the palm of her hand, each finger one by one. She was looking at him smiling, not believing he had been there all this while she just had to be on his side. He kissed her eyes, he brushed aside the hair from the nape of her neck, his fingers burning her skin, cupped her face in his hands and at long last their lips met...
the night was sleepless, wonderful.
bas yun hie tumhari yaad agai
bas yun hie hui aarzu,vo adhuri si nazm puri karlu
jo adhi takiyon pe, adhi silavton meh chorh di thi
unhi silvaton meh tumhari sanson ki dhun yaad agai
bhule se baithe thhe ek dusre ki yaad ko
ek chhat ke neeche ghum se gae thhe na?
bas yun hie dil ne kaha kuch baat toh karo
toh baton baton mei tumhari baat yaad agai
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Dance - you make me pretty
So after a month long break courtesy exams, I finally got to dance again today,
and it felt amazing, no other word just amazing in every sense of the word, the most overwhelming high. The kind of butterflies no guys has ever given me.
The sight of the stage - dizzying
The pain of the workouts - thrilling
The feel of the music seeping into your senses - drugging
The actual dancing - beyond words
dance you make me pretty. :)
and it felt amazing, no other word just amazing in every sense of the word, the most overwhelming high. The kind of butterflies no guys has ever given me.
The sight of the stage - dizzying
The pain of the workouts - thrilling
The feel of the music seeping into your senses - drugging
The actual dancing - beyond words
dance you make me pretty. :)
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Confused much?
Because its not that I've nothing to say, just that there are so many things ravishing my mind right now. So uhm..I guess I'll just sit and make a list.
1. New Sun sign? so apparently I'm a Gemini now, because of this freshly discovered sun sign that sounds like the name of a dinosaur. Whats the big deal anyway?
2. Whats with this sudden wave of casual dating going on? I mean when did "the proposal" with all its associated nervousness, butterflies, planning, rejected planning and re- planning and re-re-planning just become a casual sms no really sms? "lets date?" re: "yeah okay"/ "no, maybe next week"
*flabbergasted expression of a hopeless romantic*
3. Why is it that I cant afford enough onions to make this mughlai recipe I just read about? onions for god's sake!!!
4. My mum plans to find a guy for me in another two years. Some how I find that more convenient saves a lot of trouble searching, making arrangements to meet without your folks getting to know of it, then telling parents, waiting for approval.
But aunts talking about shaadi in that typical 'nudgy-giggly' tone is still equally annoying.
And that makes me a hopeless romantic who believes in arranged marriages.
To lazy to want to love?
Still scared of loving?
Or just plain bored?
5. Why am I turning into an insomniac all of a sudden?
6. Why aren't the radio shows now as good as they used to be a year ago?
7. Why do random strangers think that calling me 'cutie' and 'dear' and 'gawrgeous lady' will trick me into ignoring their horribly horny looking sad faces and make me add them?
8. Why is my room a mess? oh I know this one...because its 'my' room? but still messier than the messy it used to be before.
9. Why do I feel the way i feel and why do i not know what makes me so terrible inside?
10. Just because I'm single, why do people not believe it when I tell them I'm over my break-up? It ended long back, it DOESN'T hurt, I don't stalk his profile any more, I'M FINE people, I just don't date for the heck of it.
deal with it.
11. just why do parents feel taking away my lap top, slashing my pocket money, not letting me drive and curfews will have any effect on my grades whatsoever?
13. Why can't I have guava juice in January in a coffee mug without being questioned/laughed at/stared at?
14. why am I rallying about all of this to the world and not feeling embarrassed?
1. New Sun sign? so apparently I'm a Gemini now, because of this freshly discovered sun sign that sounds like the name of a dinosaur. Whats the big deal anyway?
2. Whats with this sudden wave of casual dating going on? I mean when did "the proposal" with all its associated nervousness, butterflies, planning, rejected planning and re- planning and re-re-planning just become a casual sms no really sms? "lets date?" re: "yeah okay"/ "no, maybe next week"
*flabbergasted expression of a hopeless romantic*
3. Why is it that I cant afford enough onions to make this mughlai recipe I just read about? onions for god's sake!!!
4. My mum plans to find a guy for me in another two years. Some how I find that more convenient saves a lot of trouble searching, making arrangements to meet without your folks getting to know of it, then telling parents, waiting for approval.
But aunts talking about shaadi in that typical 'nudgy-giggly' tone is still equally annoying.
And that makes me a hopeless romantic who believes in arranged marriages.
To lazy to want to love?
Still scared of loving?
Or just plain bored?
5. Why am I turning into an insomniac all of a sudden?
6. Why aren't the radio shows now as good as they used to be a year ago?
7. Why do random strangers think that calling me 'cutie' and 'dear' and 'gawrgeous lady' will trick me into ignoring their horribly horny looking sad faces and make me add them?
8. Why is my room a mess? oh I know this one...because its 'my' room? but still messier than the messy it used to be before.
9. Why do I feel the way i feel and why do i not know what makes me so terrible inside?
10. Just because I'm single, why do people not believe it when I tell them I'm over my break-up? It ended long back, it DOESN'T hurt, I don't stalk his profile any more, I'M FINE people, I just don't date for the heck of it.
deal with it.
11. just why do parents feel taking away my lap top, slashing my pocket money, not letting me drive and curfews will have any effect on my grades whatsoever?
13. Why can't I have guava juice in January in a coffee mug without being questioned/laughed at/stared at?
14. why am I rallying about all of this to the world and not feeling embarrassed?
Thursday, August 19, 2010
drops
Drops of a dark night under my eyes
Burning through my soul sore
I do not belong anymore
Sins of a burnt night crawling in my skin
And I rot in the beautiful lie
And I rot I rot I don’t know why
I wasn’t Laura no not her
I wasn’t the cursed one no sir,
Where did it all go astray?
Was this the life you promised me that day?
You were right I’d never imagined this at all,
You were right I’d never dreamt of this at all
Feels like each memory is a thorn through my eyes
Every smile I smiled flows in a red stream through my eyes,
And I don’t know whom to blame
For it is indeed a shame
That a dream like me happened to a nightmare like you
For I was one in a million and trust me so were you,
But if you think you’ve killed me
You’re as wrong as wrong could be.
You think I am dead,no, I’m just burnt from inside
You bruised me then set me up on a fire
Thinking your sin was erased for eternity
Thinking this soul was too dead to bear testimony
But you forgot phoenixes still breathe through their ashes
You couldn’t see the life gleaming through the gashes
Those gashes that you slashed through my skin
You can laugh coz you don’t know but I will win
From my ashes I shall rise, wake up to my afterlife
Eat up the sunshine and Rejoice, the end of strife
Wake up to the life-cleansed of all my sins-anew
A life cleansed of bruises, cleansed of you.
And the drops of this dark dark night
Will remind me of that morning’s flight
That I will take right in your sight
So let me mend my broken wings tonight.
Burning through my soul sore
I do not belong anymore
Sins of a burnt night crawling in my skin
And I rot in the beautiful lie
And I rot I rot I don’t know why
I wasn’t Laura no not her
I wasn’t the cursed one no sir,
Where did it all go astray?
Was this the life you promised me that day?
You were right I’d never imagined this at all,
You were right I’d never dreamt of this at all
Feels like each memory is a thorn through my eyes
Every smile I smiled flows in a red stream through my eyes,
And I don’t know whom to blame
For it is indeed a shame
That a dream like me happened to a nightmare like you
For I was one in a million and trust me so were you,
But if you think you’ve killed me
You’re as wrong as wrong could be.
You think I am dead,no, I’m just burnt from inside
You bruised me then set me up on a fire
Thinking your sin was erased for eternity
Thinking this soul was too dead to bear testimony
But you forgot phoenixes still breathe through their ashes
You couldn’t see the life gleaming through the gashes
Those gashes that you slashed through my skin
You can laugh coz you don’t know but I will win
From my ashes I shall rise, wake up to my afterlife
Eat up the sunshine and Rejoice, the end of strife
Wake up to the life-cleansed of all my sins-anew
A life cleansed of bruises, cleansed of you.
And the drops of this dark dark night
Will remind me of that morning’s flight
That I will take right in your sight
So let me mend my broken wings tonight.
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