I Will Sleep At Dawn

Into the night her sleep wandered,

In forests made of ink and paper, 

She held on tight to the light that shimmered, 

From the bed side of her lamp,

And sleep was her favourite friend, 

For it understood the silence, 

The silence that her yellowed books 

Embroidered on her soul,

 She urged the moon to shine forever, 

The dirty lanes of the city became idyllic in the street light, 

The moon sighed for he had to bid good bye 

For his beautiful borrowed light, 

Had a debt to repay to the sun, 

And so she waited an endless day 

For her beloved moon to return, 

And sleep oh lovely sleep was forever her only friend 

For sleep oh lovely sleep didn't come 

Till the moon's shift would end 

And she would keep her dog eared book aside 

Only for a moment 

to catch the amber sun 

bleeding into the sky

Mohar

Vo zamaana aur tha

Jab dil ki galiyan maidaan hua karti thi

Vo zamaana aur tha

Jab dil ki galiyan maidaan hua karti thi

Ab toh surat-e-haal ye hai ki

Daraaron tak mei malba quaid hai

Daakhila toh muft hai magar iss

Tehes riyaasat ki murammat ke

Tamaam akhrajaat tumhare hain

Bhardo jo haami lakeeron ki daleelon ki

Bhardo jo haami lakeeron ki daleelon ki

Toh tamaam kaghazaat tumhare hain

Mai ye nahi kehti ki tabaah sheher mudh ke saans nahi bharte

Na ye munaasib kehna ki bevafa baaz dafa wafa nahi karte

Haan magar seelan se namm eeton se

Mehel banaane ke khwab tumhare hain

Zang quaid taaron se taaj bunn pao agar

Zang quaid taaron se taaj bunn pao agar

Toh baanh pe ghaat diye baaz toh kya

Moondi ankhon mei chipe surkhaab tumhare hain

Image courtesy: GypsyH , Deviant art

Pregnant

She that is hidden in the folds of the crow feet
Slowly creaking from the corners of my eyes

She lodged in the pit of my stomach probably since before time
She, the one asleep since eternity bidding time

She that stirs whenever a moment passes by

A moment that encases the whiff of her kind
Of the magical dream catchers and the ocean
A moment that brings back the wind in my hair
Tossing them into a lioness like mane
A moment that holds within its hands,
7 lives of wisdom, and the sulphur of dreams

She picks up the moment sews it to her eye
She goes back to sleep, she bids time

She has been tossing more often, from side to side
She talks in her sleep, “soon” she says

She, will be, and wash over me

Within

Like ink spill on a parchment
makes shapes, accidental but meaningful

I oft find myself in vomited words words
written in hurried hand on sultry nights

Page by page I recite a fruitless attempt
at satiating a narcissistic hunger

of getting to know that girl in the mirror
the one people are fond and wary of at the same time

...and so am I

Like a poignant seizing fever it engulfs me
excruciating, drugging, piercing but absorbing

I oft find myself in half hearted sketches
blotted in charcoal and paper cutting strokes

I choke as she clutches at my tongue,
in her attempt to escape the capsule of my body

but she is slated to be captive
there are vengeful crows about

waiting to tear up her flesh but she,
she is a fighter this one,

...and so am I

I am calm,
I am chaos,
I am my own doing.

I close my eyes,
I plunge within,
I find her...

I find, myself.

An Apology to religion.

At the outset I would like to inform the reader that I haven’t been a follower of any particular religion since the age I gained a conscious autonomy over my beliefs.
I do believe in the existence of a being/power/entity that for want of an identifying word I call god, but I do not believe in personifying it into any kind of gender/character. I believe that limits its all pervasiveness. And so I do not follow any religion that would want me to eliminate that section of society who does not believe in it, which when it comes to practical application, all religions do.
Having said this, I do not hold an opinion against people who choose to entrust a religion with their faith and choose to identify a god constructed for it. I would like to respect them as much as everybody else no matter what religion they believe/not believe in.

The reason I use the phrase “I would like to” is because I recently found out that I don’t.

I have a very dear friend who believes in a religion, which for the rest of the essay as and when need be will be called “The Faith”.
So last night during a conversation of the usual jibber jabber and non sense that friends talk about, I ended up making a joke about The Faith, realizing seconds later that I had offended my friend.
During my profuse and embarrassed apology there was another realization that had this friend not been a follower of The Faith I would’ve never realized my unconscious disregard for people and their religious beliefs.

What I found out was that no matter how much I’d like to believe that I have immense respect for all faiths, there are layers of my mind that subconsciously make me take them lightly. I did not make that joke consciously, which makes it worse as it makes me realize the unconscious disrespect I have for other religions, which is a violation of my own personal individual belief that says all should be loved and respected for their beliefs.

What I also realized was that there might have been instances in the past where in during conversations, or within my own internal thinking process, I could have and definitely would have done such acts of disrespect in the past.

Not believing in any kind of mass religion for whatever reasons possible, does not give me the right to consciously or sub consciously make fun of other people’s beliefs.

In my attempt to not be outright blinded by a faith and consequently feel malicious towards other faiths, I choose to not believe in any, not realizing that what I gained from that was a superficial respect for all faiths and a deep rooted subconscious disregard for them. Not believing in something and wanting to respect it involves more thought than what I’ve been putting to it.

So here it is, an apology to all religions and all people who believe in any religion. I hope to learn my lesson and purge myself of all kinds of disregards I might subconsciously have for you.

I still do not believe in any religion, but I hope I’ll be able to give every body the kind of respect I’d like to able to give.

This is also a plea to everyone who would bother to hear it, that no matter where your belief rests, please do not let it over power you to an extent where in you demean, disregard, derogate or make light of any group or person particular who believes other wise.

Religion of all kinds including my own form of it, which hopes to inculcate only respect and love for others do not in any form preach that people/scriptures who do not share the same ideology should be treated as inferior.

My thoughts,no matter how unconscious, have been insensitive for I do not know how long, and I'm not proud of them.
That is about all that I’d like to convey in my apology to religion.

Thank you for taking out time and reading it.

Love and strength,
Rida.