Baqaya

Hai thoda hie keher baaki teri rukhsat ka raghon mei

Hai thoda hie keher baaki teri rukhsat ka raghon mei

Koi jumbish teri yaadon ki na pi jaae ye darr lagta hai

Hai kuch boond hie bas aur jo risne ko hain raazi

Koi bosa tere labon pe phootey zeher lagta hai

Tu bunn jae koi chaadar ki jismei chand nazar ae

Mai likh jaau koi ghazal jo teri ankh mei bhar aae

Koi majlis se farmaan ho saza e kafiri keh de

Koi phoonk na jae kaano mei fikar lagta hai

Hai thoda hie keher baaki teri rukhsat ka raghon mei

Koi tujhme mujhe na dhoond jae ab magar lagta hai

Mai koi zaat pariyon ki nahi jo khushbuein pehnu

Na koi noor jannat ka utar aau toh hungaama

Mehez ek raat hu behosh jo ansu ugalva de

Patthar ke badal ko jo bottal mei nigalva de

Na mujhko shayari keh ke dilaase vaaste dena

Na mujko nazm me gadh ke samajhna aayatein keh di

Agar jo ho sakey toh edhiyon ki chot keh dena

Be kharonch be raushni na tu reh jaae ye darr lagta hai

Mai tujhko tolna chaahu taraazu dhoond de koi

Mai gar kuch bolna chaahu talaffus dhoond de koi

Mai tujhse mil ke vehemi hu ya vehemo se hie sehmi hu

Tu moh hai gar mai paheli moond de koi

Hai thoda hie keher baaki teri rukhsat ka raghon mei

Hai thoda hie keher baaki teri rukhsat ka raghon mei

Koi jumbish teri yaadon ki na pi jaae ye darr lagta hai

Husband

Husband,

Hi there…

Sorry I addressed you as that, but it’s all right isn’t it? In the sense that time will be still somewhere when I think of you, and in that moment you will always be him… Husband, it is only when time will realize that the moment I breathe in now is different from where it is standing still that it will know that you’re now what people call memory.

But that’s okay too isn’t it?

When I fell in love with you all I wanted was for you to be happy, when you fell out of love with me all I wanted was you to be happy. So I got up, wrapped my leftover-ocean of love for you and puddle of self-respect in the shawl around me and left as fast as my feet would allow me too.

You know how I am, how I attach life to inanimate things, how the shirt I stole from you was the one I’d wear when I needed strength and how all it does now is weaken me further. I bought a bottle of your perfume the other day, yes the same one that I bought for you and you started getting “all that attention” in office because suddenly you were “smelling good”.  You still do, in my head, but I hate it when the smell on your shirt was fading away even as I held it (TFIOS much? Yeah yeah) so it still gets its daily dose of AXE. And I still make Khichdi when I miss you.

Don’t expect me to ever heal from you, which might never happen. But don’t expect me to pine for you either.

I have a human heart that can sometimes be broken in so many million pieces that it hurts like a glass shard piercing you eye every time you breathe. But I have super human will, I will never ever want you back, even if you want to come back someday. Because what we had is now gone, it was perfect even with your sloppy sense of humor and my begrudging romance it was perfect. And now it’s just that… “was”

Just give me this… stay happy.

I’ll find my happiness don’t worry, I always do.

Love,

X

walk with me

"Its like we know another language" he thought...
"Its like we've built
a street between our hearts
and we sit on the footpaths
from moon to moon
and noon to noon
leaning,breathing,sighing,laughing
as the traffic passes by
disinterested, perfectly so"...
"stay" he said as she glanced at the time
"I will," she said "as long as you never promise...
to never let me go."

"Acha Ab Mai Chalta Hun"

ab toh…bas saansein chal rahi hai
zindagi toh usi din tham gayi thi
jab tumne kaha tha "acha, ab mai chalta hun"
ghutnon pe hath tikaa ke
ek saans bharke uthe thhe
chaukhat tak chalke gae thhe
phir feetey baandhne ko rukey thhe

hamesha feetey khule chor dete ho na
kisi din gir gae toh?
toh tum ho na…hath badha ke utha dena
ya khud zameen pe utar aana
mere liye, itna toh karogi na tum?

mai toh kabhi aasmaan ki thi hie nahi
Jab tak tum mere aasmaan na baney
mai toh kabhi iss jahaan ki thi hie nahi
jab tak tum mere jahaan na baney

kitni baar bataya tha maathe ko noch ke
jaate waqt hamesha "laut ke aata hun" kaha karte hain
hoge tum befiqr khuda se hum insaan toh befikari se darte hain
ab toh suraj bhi maano ek hie aas mei dhalta hai
suiyaan chubhaata hua sa waqt chalta hai
ki zindagi toh usi din tham gayi thi
jab tumne kaha tha "acha, ab mai chalta hun"

Zubaan

beparvah lafzon ki zuban
bulbulon si nabzon ki zuban
suni hongi ashqon ki zuban
sukhe khu ke zakhmon ki zuban

khushkh hothon se sili
khushk hothon se sili
bepanaah ishq ki zuban...
beparvah lafzon ki zuban

bikhri sirhaane pe mere
teri ranjisho ki zuban
bekhayali mei badbadaae
surkh kaaton ki zuban

beparvah lafzon ki zuban
yun teri ungliyon mei
uljhi meri zulfein
teri kalaai pe bandhi

meri zulfon ki zuban
kharonchon kharaashon
khaafa gilon ki zuban...
beparvah lafzon ki zuban

husn e mirza ko takti
thaki aakhon ki zuban
harr hasi mei sisakti
jhuthe vaadon ki zuban

mere aanchal se chhili
hasraton ki zuban
mere kaandhe pe chhani
laal raaton ki zuban

dhoop pe jalte behte
siyaah ashqon ki zuban
suni hongi tumne
aayaton ki bhi zuban

namazon mei maangi
khidkiyon pe taangi
mazjidon ki seedhiyo pe padi
beeti barsaat ki zuban

beparvah lafzon ki zuban
bepanah ishq ki zuban

Jaao...

Imli mei ghuli hai taron ki saazish
aaj na aankhein moondne denge
elaichi si mehekti hai ye koshish
aaj na neend goondne denge
uff... kamar pe baitho chup se
ho bass pallu bhulo matt
zaraa baal bhi baandhun ruk ke
kaan vaan pe chhuo matt
hasna manaa hai tumhara
yun baarish ki aavaz mei
phir dikh na jaana dobaara
mausam ke andaaz mei

vo barish ki raat

"aaj yun hie baal sukhaate sukhaate
cheenton ke saath tumhari yaad chalak aayi
tumhari baton se jo hansi uthti thi...
usski goonj ke saath chalak aayi
phir towel se jab baal barse
toh vo baarish ki raat yaad aa gayi
jab geele baalon mei tumhe uljhaya tha
phir raat bhar baith ke tumne
apni baaton mei suljhaya tha
har suljhi baat ulajhti ja rahi thi
aur mai anjaane tumhare paas aa rahi thi
maine toh balon se bass shararat ki thi
tumne shararat ka faayda uthaya tha
baal suljhate suljhate apni chal mei fasaaya tha
kamar ke bal pe jane kaunsa saaz chedaa tha
gardan se baansuri bajaayi thi
hothon pe raagini sajaai thi
tumhare sur se aasman mei diye jal gaye thhe
tunhare hathon mei saarey jahan simat gae thhe
kaandhe pe din ho jataa tha
peeth pe raat ghir aati thi
phir aankh khulli toh khud hie hans ke socha
sochne se hoga bhi kya?
baal sukh gae hain
ab baandh hie leti hun"

Kal Aaj aur Kal

nanhe nanhe haathon se jab cement ke ghar banaate thhe
phir park ke nalke ke neeche sab yaar milke nahaate thhe
ma aur daadi cheekh cheekh ke chhat se bulaya karte thhe
aur hum sharma uncle ke ghar ke pichey chhip jaya karte thhe

har sunday miley panch rupaiyon se kulfi khaya karte thhe
aur kabhi kabhi bachaake paise bada baloon laya karte thhe
phir aya mera birthday aur shehzaadi hui nau saal ki
aur papa laye cycle ek, jiski ghanti thi kamaal ki

bas uss din se toh ghar aatey hie basta phenka garden mei
aur bhari dhup mei nikal padey hum roz ki apni gasht pe
chote bhaiya ko bithaa ke badey dhyan se apne peeche
saer sapaata dhamaa chaukdi khule aasman ke neeche

bhaiya toh jaise thhe navaab aji unke badey thaath thhe
ghunghraale baal,chamakti aankhei, chote chote haath thhe
unhi chotey chotey hathon se vo pistol chalaya karte thhe
jab naya khilona nazar mei aae toh hamei bulaya karte thhe

“ab bas hua ye pistol vistol nahi aati hai raas hamei
vo laal santro choti vali lagti hai badi khaas hamei”
aur hum gullak utaarte phir mandir se sambhal ke
aur hairpin aur clay se jhatt se paise thhe nikal te

phir bhaiya-didi hath pakkad ke market jaya karte thhe
aur laal santro,kalaa chuha,cosco laya karte thhe
badey massom badey natkhat badey bhole badey nadaan thhe hum
bachpan mei iss bachpan se naraaz thhe anjaan thhe hum

phir sweater, frock aur chappal hamei ho gae chotey
aur jootey ke size bhi har season change hotey
aur hamne seekh liya cycle chod scooty chalana
chod dia lukka chuppi aur sadkon pe ganaa

ab na hum nalke ke neeche nahaya karte thhe
aur na hie sharma uncle ke ghar jaya karte thhe
cheeku aur bittu ke hath pakadne mei jane kyu sahrm aati thi
aur ye vahi dost thhe jinke kandhe pe baith mai shehtut khati thi

pehle sath daudte doston ko hum zakhm nahi marham dete thhe
pehle jo na lage apna sa ussey tab hie katti keh dete thhe
pehle badey hone ki hod thhi ab bachpan ki chaah hai
pehle rahein hie manzil thi, ab manzil ke liye raah hai

Bas yun hie

She sat there buttering the buttered toast, finally placing it on his plate. His hand emerged from behind the newspaper picked up the toast and vanished behind it again, she could hear the 'crunch' as he bit into it. He liked his toast just that way put in the toaster with the timer set on 'two'. For breakfast, he had exactly three toasts one buttered two with marmalade she was making and a mug of coffee made with milk powder mixed just before drinking. The coffee powder-his special brand nothing else sugar exactly one teaspoon. She would keep looking at his car till it turned around the corner, out of sight. Lately she had started taking extra care of his comforts, his breakfasts,his laundry,his towels and bedsheets. More often than not when he was not home, she found herself curled up on his side of the bed because it had his scent. More often than not she caught a tear escaping her eye on the sly as she watched him leave for office, just like today.

He got into the car, the driver closed the door behind him got in the car and he was on his way to work, he wondered if she still looked at the car from behind till it was out of sight? but did not turn back to look. Every morning they sat at the breakfast table together, she would make breakfast just the way he liked it, the toasts, the coffee. He even suspected her to have been paying careful attention to his laundry, towels and bedsheets. But could not muster the courage to fold the newspaper and look at her, take her hand in his and kiss it like he so wanted to.
More often than not these days he found himself staring at her face as she slept at night, gently touching the bangles she always wore or brushing aside a strand of hair
from her face. More often than not he caught himself stealing glimpses while pretending to be asleep when she came out of the bath. Her hair loosely playing around her neck, her scent filling the room and his senses. More often than not he found himself staring at her pictures in his lap top while going or coming from work just like right now.

They had had a love marriage, they started in a one bedroom apartment and had promised to work hard and build themselves their dream home. Back then, they would have breakfast together and she would have to push him out of the house so he doesn't get late for work. In the evening, he would come home, heap her in his arms kiss her forehead, they would have dinner together talking about the day, make plans for the future. He would kiss her hand and they would sleep in each others arms. Or he would kiss her hand and that would be the beginning of a wonderful sleepless night. Now many of those plans had taken shape, they lived in a wonderful apartment in one of the most expensive ares of the city, the only constant that remained from their past life were the sleepless nights, only they weren't wonderful anymore. Each lay on his or her side of the bed thinking of the same thing, thinking the other person was asleep, thinking how he missed the other person. Wondering if the other person felt the same. But never knowing, never trying. This had been going on for some time now, their silence had grown into a fragile,insurmountable wall. This went on for some more days.

Then one night something different happened, he came home late as usual, entered the bedroom and found her asleep at his side of the bed, wearing one of his shirts and her shorts, her legs curled together. Normally he would have been upset she spoiled the iron, but he kept his bag on the table, dropped on the floor in front of her. A tear trickled down his eye as he kissed her hand. The familiar long lost sensation woke her up, she saw him there and all at once, the wall crumbled. Her eyes welled. He heaped her in his arms, kissed the palm of her hand, each finger one by one. She was looking at him smiling, not believing he had been there all this while she just had to be on his side. He kissed her eyes, he brushed aside the hair from the nape of her neck, his fingers burning her skin, cupped her face in his hands and at long last their lips met...

the night was sleepless, wonderful.

bas yun hie tumhari yaad agai
bas yun hie hui aarzu,vo adhuri si nazm puri karlu
jo adhi takiyon pe, adhi silavton meh chorh di thi
unhi silvaton meh tumhari sanson ki dhun yaad agai
bhule se baithe thhe ek dusre ki yaad ko
ek chhat ke neeche ghum se gae thhe na?
bas yun hie dil ne kaha kuch baat toh karo
toh baton baton mei tumhari baat yaad agai